You call that a warning? I'm Southern, for God's Sake!

December 2002

I discovered why my bedroom smoke alarm went off early Thursday morning. The seven smoke alarms are wired with 110-volt wiring - just like a normal wall socket. As a safety precaution, a 9-volt battery is used as a back-up. The batteries were a mixture of no-name, cheap-a** batteries. (I changed them all with EverReadys... bought with coupons. What'd you expect?)

Why did the warning beeps occur in the morning? I'm looking for a cause and effect here, people. Bueller? Bueller? Bueller's not here, Mr. Foretich. He got sick or something. Very well. Thank you. Then, I'll answer it. Take notes. This WILL be on the test. When the early morning cold reached its zenith - the cause, the battery began to lose its charge and beeped a replacement call - the effect.

Did I mention the 110-volt charge. Yes, I did. Well, I didn't realize it was 110-volt. All I wanted to do at 3:00 a.m. was stop the noise. My early morning, Good Ol' Boy Brain told me two things: don't fall off that g**dam ten-foot tall ladder and the electrical charge is probably runnin' at 6 volts. GOBB sez, "Those sparks are nothing more than sissy spit, but be careful just the same" I replied, "Thanks, GOBB".

On Saturday morning, I sat down with my cup of brain power to pop open my disconnected smoke alarm. I FINALLY read the affixed warning. That can't be right. 110 volt? Hey, GOBB! What'd you say it was 6 volts. It says 110 volts right here?

"Hell, Man. You know I can't read."